so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
