I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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