I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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