i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
