This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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