sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
this is an emotional support booty call
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
