What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
