How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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