He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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