its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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