Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
