I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
