Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
our cab driver is having phone sex.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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