nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
