I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
