Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
