is your mom at the bar?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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