I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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