You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
