if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
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