3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
