I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
