hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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