Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
