3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
