I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Girls should come with a carfax report
pop tarts are not kleenex
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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