therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
