do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
