Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I will die if light touches me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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