Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
