My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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