Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
