do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
