I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
