I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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