The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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