I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
