this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
