you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My penis needs a shock collar
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
These tits shall not be calmed
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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