when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
