Swine flu. Run for my life!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
