Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
