I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
