Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
