I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
