so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
