i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
