in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
