the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
