Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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