I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
