Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
