There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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