im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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