wrigley field is MILF paradise
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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