The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
