her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
